Category Archives: Health & Medicine

3 x Covid Is Not For The Weak

In the circus of political absurdity, some critics have dared to label Bongbong Marcos as a weak president. How preposterous! It takes a special kind of strength to repeatedly tango with Covid, not once, not twice, but thrice, and emerge unscathed. Forget resilience; Marcos practically has the immune system of a superhero. His ability to defy viruses is unparalleled, making him the undisputed champion of wellness in the political arena.

But it doesn’t end there. While lesser leaders might crumble under the weight of criticism, Marcos remains an unshakable pillar of composure. Efforts to tarnish his administration are like mere mosquito bites to a giant; he swats them away with the finesse of a seasoned diplomat. Clearly, weakness is a concept lost on Marcos, who juggles health crises and political storms with the grace of a tightrope walker. If this is weakness, then we should all aspire to be such feeble leaders.

San Miguel Launches Product Warning On Its Red Horse Beer Bottles

by JAKE DON

In a bold move that combines transparency with a hint of self-sabotage chic, San Miguel Corporation has announced a groundbreaking product warning on its Red Horse beer bottles. 

Starting December 1, patrons will find the iconic Red Horse logo deliberately skewed, serving as an avant-garde cautionary tale for those with a penchant for the potent brew. In a surprising twist, the misaligned logo isn’t a design flaw but a deliberate move by the company to warn consumers of potential consequences.

This quirky marketing strategy mirrors the tobacco industry’s graphic health warnings, but with a twist – instead of ghastly images of damaged lungs, patrons are treated to the sight of a tipsy horse struggling to find its balance. 

San Miguel Corporation claims it’s a bold step towards truth in advertising, embracing the mantra that “seeing is believing” when it comes to potential visual impairment.

Critics argue this might just be a clever ploy to attract hipster beer enthusiasts seeking the latest in ironic imbibing experiences. Either way, it’s a refreshing departure from the usual corporate smoke and mirrors. Cheers to truth, however distorted it may be!

Philippines Sees Rise In Anxiety Disorders

MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) – Psychologists in the Philippines have identified a worrying surge in anxiety cases, and they’ve pinpointed the cause: the ongoing Miss Universe pageant in El Salvador. 

While the world marvels at the dazzling contestants, it seems that Filipinos are experiencing a different kind of dazzle-induced distress. Psychologists believe the culprit is none other than the nation’s representative, Michelle Dee.

Filipinos, renowned for their fervent passion for beauty pageants, are reportedly on the brink of a nationwide nervous breakdown. As Michelle Dee takes the stage, the collective blood pressure of the archipelago seems to rise with her. If Dee fails to bring home the crown or at least make it to the finals on November 18, psychologists are preparing for an avalanche of panic attacks, shattered dreams, and teary-eyed TV audiences.

While the rest of the world may take beauty pageants with a pinch of glitter, in the Philippines, it’s a life-or-death situation. 

Can we now add “Miss Universe Anxiety Disorder” to the list of national health concerns? Stay tuned as the nation collectively hyperventilates for their queen.