To His Excellency, President Ferdinand “Bongbong” Marcos Jr. :

I write this with the sincerest intention of uniting two great political dynasties who have generously ruled—er, served—the Filipino people. In the spirit of reconciliation (and mutual survival), may I humbly recommend the re-appointment of Madam Sara Duterte to a top cabinet post, preferably something as powerful as “Secretary of Everything.”

Her qualifications are unimpeachable: she once rode a big bike in a gown, mastered the ancient art of political poker face, and vanished from DepEd just in time to avoid accountability. Truly, a ninja of governance.

Appointing her would show your statesmanship, your generosity, and, most importantly, your desire to not have Davao Mayor Paolo Duterte call you “that guy” on Facebook.

Let us bridge the North and South—preferably with a highway named after both your fathers.

Sincerely yours,

A Concerned Citizen (with political instincts and possibly future ambitions)