MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles) – In an article posted yesterday, presidential sister and TV host Kris Aquino detailed the reasons why she is not running for public office in 2016. But that was the Inquirer version. Here’s the other version as told by Aquino herself to The Adobo Chronicles: 

“Sa totoo lang ha, I’m very humbled by the growing glamor – I mean clamor – for me to run for public office in 2016. I’ve said it once and I’ve said it twice na ang priority ko are my two kids and my growing business investment as a franchise owner of Chowking. But things always come in three’s, di ba? So for the third time, I have the right to change my mind, gets nyo?”

“Sa kadaldalan ko, I recently said that after my brother PNoy’s term is up in 2016, there will be lots of lawsuits that will be made sampa against him and that I have to be there for him, especially because I know he is alone in life, as in matandang binata. Blood is thicker than bulalo, di ba?” But thanks to the great advice of  my dear friend and TV show co-host Boy Abunda, I have come up with a better strategy to help my dear brother.”

“Today, I am announcing that I have formed an exploratory committee to make recommendations and help me decide whether or not I will run for president in 2016. This committee will study the legal implications of my being elected president on the possible conviction of PNoy.”

“One of the things the committee will explore is whether as president I will be able to grant full pardon to my dear brother after he is convicted for any acts he has done while in office.” Alam nyo naman, there is a precedent when Gloria Macapagal Arroyo pardoned Joseph Estrada who was convicted and jailed for corruption while the latter was president. Look nyo lang ha, Estrada was even able to run again for public office and is now the mayor of Manila.”

“Pero wait lang, you might ask, what about my commitment to take care of my two kids?  Well, since PNoy will no longer have a full-time job (and honestly, I don’t think any private company in the right mind would even consider employing him), he can be the yaya for my kids.  After all, my kids love their tito so much.”

“As for my investments, I plan to reconcile with Mayor Herbert because I know he is very good and very skilled in money investments. Look nyo naman ang nagawa niya for Quezon City, di ba? He can take care of my investments so I can focus on running the country. I am not at liberty at this point to say whether I will accept a second marriage proposal from him. Only time will tell.”

“As for the comment of my tita Tingting Cojuanco that she will leave the country if I get elected, all I can say is ‘good riddance!’ Blood can sometimes be thinner than the sauce of kare-kare, di ba?”

“So to all my fans out there, don’t believe all the rumors you hear about me and my plans to run for public office. Follow me na lang sa Facebook and Instagram accounts ko and watch always my TV shows, especially ‘Aquino & Abunda Tonight.’  Promise, you will hear it first from me — each time and all the time!”

There you have it  dear readers — straight from the horse’s mouth.