Category Archives: Business

Business, International

FACEBOOK TO MAIL $38 CHECKS TO EACH OF ITS 1.11 BILLION USERS

Leave a comment

imageMenlo Park, California – Every single one of Facebook’s 1.11 Billion users worldwide will receive a check for $38.  This was announced  by Mark Zuckerberg minutes after Facebook stocks closed at slightly above $38 per share last Friday, the first time it reached a level above the initial IPO price since the company went public more than 14 months ago.

Champagne flowed at Facebook’s headquarters in Menlo Park Friday night as managers and employees celebrated this milestone.

Zuckerberg, upon cajoling from his wife Priscilla , decided to share Facebook’s success with all its users. “After all, our users are technically our stockholders,” Zuckerberg said.  “Without its users, Facebook is nothing,” he added. Asked whether he thinks this distribution will result in Facebook going bankrupt, Zuckerberg said he was not in the business for the money.  “Besides, I am confident that each of our 1.11 Billion users will use their check to buy a share of Facebook stocks. So it will be awash.”

In order to receive their $38 checks, users must post and publicly share their mailing addresses on their Facebook page on or before August 31, 2013. Alternatively, they can post and share their bank routing number and checking or savings account number in order for funds to be deposited electronically to their account.

Business

CLAIROL’S RED HAIR DYE SUPPLY DEPLETED!

Leave a comment

imageStamford, Connecticut – Clairol, the largest hair dye company in the U.S., announced today that its inventory of red hair dye has just been depleted and that it is working 24 hours a day to try to meet the sudden surge in orders.

This unusual development came on the heels of a  National Geographic magazine report that less than 2 percent of the world’s population today has natural red hair and that redheads are bound for extinction as early as 2060.  The report cites global intermingling which has brought about this disturbing phenomonenon. Red hair is apparently more subservient in most cases where couples producing offsprings are a mix of redheads and brunettes or blondes.

Warehouse stores like Costco, WalMart and Target account for the bulk of red hair dye orders, according to Clairol. Local beauty salons have also reportedly started hoarding red hair dye, anticipating a great demand in the very near future.

Meanwhile, more and more celebrity redheads are insuring their red hair in anticipation of the impending red hair extinction, among them, Amy Adams, Debra Messing, Julia Roberts, Prince Harry, Conan O’Brien and Ewan McGregor.

Business, International

RUSSIANS BOYCOTT AMERICAN APPLE PIE

Leave a comment

imageMoscow, Russia – Vodka is to Russia while apple pie is as American as it can get.   In recent weeks, many U.S. gay bars have boycotted vodka in protest of the Russian government’s increasing crackdown on homosexuality. This, despite the fact that vodka companies in the U.S. have been supportive of many U.S. gay events , including Pride festivities across the country.

In retaliation, restaurants and bakeries throughout Russia have agreed to ban all sales of apple pie in the country. The news was upsetting to the states of Washington, California, Michigan, Pennsylvania, New York and Virginia, the top six apple producers in the U.S.image

The Ohio-based General Mills, makers of the popular baking and pie product line Pillsbury, has not returned calls from The Adobo Chronicles for comment but is reportedlly preparing a media statement to be officially released tomorrow. General Mills is expected to address the issue on whether the Russian boycott of apple pie will affect its business.

Meanwhile, nationwide sales of Coors beer, once the target of a gay boycott, have registered a 150% increase since the vodka boycott was announced.