All posts by Pol Pinoy

Fact Check, Law Enforcement, Politics, Race Relations, Social Media

Malcolm Conlan, The Self-Proclaimed Brit Savior Of The Philippines

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LONDON—Self-proclaimed “Filipino advocate” Malcolm Conlan, a Brit with an impressive collection of Barong Tagalog and unsolicited opinions, has once again inserted himself into Philippine affairs.

Conlan, best known for his prolific letter-writing campaigns—to Donald Trump, King Charles, the Emir of Qatar and, for all we know, Santa Claus—has turned his online petitions into an art form.

Who can forget his heartfelt plea to strip Maria Ressa of Filipino citizenship, because apparently, Conlan wants it for himself.

Filipinos worldwide are reportedly baffled. “Who appointed him our spokesperson?” asked one netizen. “Did we miss an election?”

Sources say Conlan spends his days refreshing change.org, awaiting new causes to champion—preferably those that involve defending Rodrigo Duterte, demanding international intervention, or reminding people he once rode a jeepney.

Is it time for us to start a petition om change.org to ban Conlan from well change.org?

As of press time, King Charles, et.al. have yet to respond to his letters, presumably too busy being actual heads of state.

International, Politics, Race Relations, Social Media

An Open Letter To King Charles

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Your Royal Highness,

I would like to recommend that Mr. Malcolm Conlan be given a job in the Ministry Of Foreign Relations, or whatever you call that government agency.

His passion for writing letters to heads-of-state and international agencies, though utterly useless and senseless, deserves to be noticed, and will prove to be quite amusing and entertaining to your subjects.

Cheerio,

Melchor Vergara
A Real Filipino

Holiday, Social Media

BREAKING: Marcos Declares April Fools A National Holiday

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MANILA—In a surprising executive order, President Ferdinand “Bongbong” Marcos Jr. has declared April Fools’ Day a regular holiday nationwide.

But don’t be fooled. It is not in recognition of the day of the naive and vulnerable, but rather to commemorate the Muslim holiday of Eid al-Fitr.

Nevertheless, it will give Filipinos a much-deserved extra day of shopping, beach holiday, or for some, doing their dirty laundry, literally and figuratively!