(Melchor Vergara contributed to this report)

In a last-ditch attempt to save Senator Imee Marcos’ embattled Senate seat, a new political chimera has emerged from the ashes of old alliances: the UNITIM—a fusion of VP Sara Duterte’s grit and Imee’s… well, heritage.

Forget UniTeam. This is Unitim: darker, bolder, and sounding suspiciously like a villainous potion brewed by power-hungry warlocks. With the color palette of doom and slogans that scream “Please don’t let us lose relevance,” the Unitim brand is less campaign, more cry for help. It’s like watching two telenovela villains team up in the finale—only instead of revenge, they’re fighting for committee assignments.

The awkward handshakes, forced smiles, and thinly veiled desperation mark not just a political maneuver, but possibly the opening act of a joint career funeral. If political dynasties had horoscopes, this one would read: “Mercury in retrograde, popularity in freefall. Avoid scandals. And TikTok.”

In a bold and fashion-forward twist, Sara Duterte has endorsed Imee Marcos’ senatorial bid, and the two have ditched their usual political colors—green and red—for something far more symbolic: black.

Is it chic mourning wear or a candid confession that their political relevance is flatlining faster than a teleserye villain in episode one?

Imee, ever the resilient political zombie, rises once more, while Sara, fresh from playing hide-and-seek with impeachment, clutches her political career like it’s the last Birkin in a department store fire. Black, after all, is slimming—perhaps to help trim down those bloated ambitions and skeletons in their respective closets. But hey, at least it’s honest. Black says, “We’ve read the polls, and yes, we’re attending our own funeral. Stylishly.”

As the two clasp hands in matching funeral couture, we can only wonder: is this an endorsement or a dramatic eulogy with better lighting?