All posts by Pol Pinoy

What Really Transpired Between God And President Duterte

October 28, 2016 Pol Pinoy 1 Comment

Photo credit: New York Times (video capture)

DAVAO CITY, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) – Even The New York Times has been had, reporting on the alleged conversation between God and Philippines President Rodrigo Roa Duterte during the latter’s return flight from his state visit to Japan.

Duterte said that he promised God that he would stop cussing after God threatened to take down the plane he was on.

But what really transpired between Duterte and the Almighty?

In The Adobo Chronicles’ exclusive interview with the president shortly after his plane landed in Davao City, he narrated his conversation with God:

GOD: Digong…

DUTERTE: P*tang Ina, you scared me!

GOD: Watch your mouth, I am not the Pope or President Obama.

DUTERTE: I’m very sorry, my God. How can I be of service to you?

GOD: You already are. Whatsoever you do to the least of your brethren, you also do to me.

DUTERTE: Ay, mabuti ka pa (you are much better) you understand me, unlike the news media and the Human Rights groups, they keep criticizing my war on drugs.

GOD: I’m not talking about that. That would be for a later conversation you can have with St. Peter. At the gates of heaven.

Duterte: I look forward to leaving the gates of hell, as Dan Brown said of Manila in his book ‘Inferno.’

GOD: That’s fiction. What’s fact is that you are doing a hell of a job — I mean a heaven of a job — serving my people. I sent you to earth to serve the poor, downtrodden, victims of crime and corruption, the sick, the elderly, the imprisoned — including those inside the New Bilibid Prison. By golly, you can be a saint!

DUTERTE: My God, with all due respect, please watch your mouth.

GOD: Ooops, I’m sorry. See, even I can apologize. Will you promise to apologize to those you have cursed?

DUTERTE: You mean those son-of-a….

GOD: Hey, hey

DUTERTE : (Inaudible)

GOD: Is there anything you’d like to ask me ?

DUTERTE: Yes, is it true that Cory Aquino is going to be the next Filipino saint?

GOD: No comment

(End of conversation)

Government

What White House Executive Chef Comerford Would Cook For President Hillary’s First Meal

October 28, 2016 Pol Pinoy 1 Comment

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles, Washington Bureau) – White House executive chef, Filipino-American Cristeta Comerford, has revealed what she would cook for President Hillary Clinton’s first meal when she moves (back) to the presidential residence. That is, of course, assuming the Clintons will continue to retain her services.

It would be pancit, that signature noodle dish closely identified with the Philippines.

When asked by The Adobo Chronicles why she chose pancit, Comerford said that pancit represents long life and a ‘long term,’ meaning she was hoping Hillary would be elected to a second four-year term like her predecessor and current boss, President Barack Obama.

Filipino pancit (Photo: MyBayKitchen.com)

We were hoping she’d say “chicken or pork adobo” but we agree with her rationale for choosing pancit.

Festivals, Religion

Philippine Catholic Bishops Ban Halloween Parties

October 28, 2016 Pol Pinoy Leave a comment

MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) – The Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines (CBCP) reminded the public to spend money on charity instead of going to costume parties.

Ozamiz Bishop Martin Jumoad told Radyo Veritas that attending Halloween parties will not benefit a person’s faith. He said Filipinos should instead help typhoon survivors and other people who are in need.

Jumaod said people should share their resources, especially since it is the Year of Mercy for those who are Catholic. “Cancel your Halloween parties and divert your money in helping the poor, those who are affected by the typhoon ‘Lawin’ and ‘Karen’ in Batanes and in Northern Luzon,” he said.

Reacting to Jumaod’s statement, CBCP president Socrates Villegas said the Ozamiz bishop does not speak for the entire CBCP. “The Catholic bishops of the Philippines want to maintain our profitable investments in the stock market,” he said, ” charity can wait.”