Ah yes, the classic political defense: “It was just an idiom!” Sara Duterte declaring she’s ready for a “bloodbath” in her impeachment proceedings is apparently just her colorful way of saying, “Let’s have a lively debate over coffee.” Because when normal people use “bloodbath,” they’re clearly referring to PowerPoint presentations and polite parliamentary discourse. Never mind that the idiom traditionally conjures images of mass carnage, economic ruin, or, you know, actual pools of blood. It’s just figurative speech—like calling a riot a “group hug gone wrong.”

Perhaps next time she says she’s “ready to burn everything down,” she’ll mean she’s redecorating her office. Or when she calls for a “massacre,” she’s just really passionate about karaoke competitions.

Satire writes itself when politicians throw grenades and call them metaphors. But sure, let’s all pretend “bloodbath” means “spirited discussion.” And maybe pigs do fly—idiomatically, of course.