(AC Team Member Maria Bratikova contributed to this report.)

In a twist more shocking than a teleserye finale, Filipinos are now demanding a full recount of the papal elections after an American Cardinal — now Pope Leo IV — emerged from the conclave victorious. This, despite overwhelming online support for their beloved Cardinal Luis Tagle, who trended worldwide with hashtags like #PopeNaSiCardinalTagle and #TaglePaMore.

“We want transparency!” cried netizens, forgetting that papal elections are, by design, secret. Rumors have since circulated that the smoke was actually kulob, and Vatican Wi-Fi may have interfered with divine inspiration. Some even suspect vote-buying in the form of communion wafers stuffed with Dunkin’.

Meanwhile, Cardinal Tagle has gracefully accepted the loss, reminding supporters that sainthood, not papacy, is the real goal. Still, passionate Filipinos refuse to back down. One devotee was heard saying, “Walang himala!” as he stormed out of the cathedral, holding a rosary in one hand and a spoiled ballot in the other.