Malcolm Conlan, the self-declared “British voice of the Filipinos,” has once again emerged from his Barong Tagalog wardrobe to remind us—unsolicited—that he feels Filipino.

Armed with nothing but a Filipino wife, a Facebook page, and the audacity of colonial hangover, he writes open letters like it’s 1898 and he’s the viceroy of our collective sentiment. He takes selfies with Duterte and supporters as though they’re constitutional credentials.

But Malcolm, buddy, wearing a Barong doesn’t grant you a seat in the Senate of Filipino opinion. It’s fashion, not naturalization. And let’s be honest—just because you initiated dozens of online petitions doesn’t mean you speak for 110 million people. You can love the Philippines all you want (Mabuhay!), but nationalism isn’t cosplay. Concern is welcome, but claiming a mandate? That’s as British as thinking tea solves everything.

Also, friendly reminder: Duterte is not the Philippines, and neither are his fans. Sip that with your salabat.