In a move worthy of a Netflix special, House leaders have announced their noble quest to cleanse social media of fake news and malicious content. 

Armed with gavels and righteous indignation, these paragons of virtue—self-proclaimed guardians of free speech—are ready to wage war against disinformation. Naturally, their approach will involve marathon hearings featuring the crème de la crème of notorious paid DDS vloggers. Expect Maharlika, Trixie Cruz-Angeles, Mark Lopez, Sass Rogando Sasot, Glenn Chong, Joie de Vivre, Maui Spencer, and the ever-unapologetic Lorraine Badoy to grace the congressional stage in an epic livestream spectacle.

Of course, our legislators, champions of saintly community standards, will remind everyone that the moral high ground is their exclusive domain. The proceedings promise high drama, theatrical outrage, and the occasional unintelligible word salad. 

By 2025, when contempt charges inevitably fly, Filipinos will have gotten weeks’ worth of free entertainment. So, grab your popcorn and brace yourselves for the circus—our taxes, well spent!