Once heralded as the bastion of truth and fairness, SMNI News has devolved into a tabloid circus, covering such hard-hitting stories as “Plants Weep for Quiboloy” and “Clouds Form Halo Over ‘Appointed Son of God’s’ Compound.” 

Gone are the days of factual reporting; instead, viewers are treated to sermon-turned-news segments where flowers allegedly wail in mourning for their dear leader’s capture. SMNI’s fall from grace, losing its franchise and retreating to the murky corners of social media, is as predictable as it is tragic. Once a network of promise, it now broadcasts propaganda, defending Apollo Quiboloy with religious zeal. 

But really, who needs journalistic integrity when you can have exclusive coverage of houseplants suffering religious persecution? As SMNI clings to relevance, one can only wonder—will the Kingdom’s shrubs and bushes testify on Quiboloy’s behalf during his trial? Stay tuned for breaking news—if you can find it.