In an ever-expanding universe of beauty pageants, we’ve gone from knowing only three heavenly queens – Miss Universe, Miss International, and Miss World – to an astronomical array of titles that leaves us feeling like mere Earthlings in a cosmic beauty blender. 

With new competitions popping up like zits on prom night, the pageant universe now includes Miss Earth, Miss Supranational, Miss Globe, Miss Grand International, Miss Intercontinental, Miss Pan Americana, Miss Asia Pacific, Miss World Tourism, and a galaxy of others we can’t even keep up with.

But perhaps the most out-of-this-world idea is the concept of choosing Miss South China Sea. We’ve already seen territorial disputes over this watery domain. So, why not have a beauty contest to settle it? Just picture world leaders nervously watching the swimsuit round, hoping their contestant doesn’t sink their sovereignty claims.

In the end, the proliferation of beauty pageants may be the ultimate solution to world peace, because nothing says “let’s share” like a sparkling tiara.

Miss Grand International founder Nawat Itsaragrisil was quick to point fingers after the recent pageant held in Vietnam failed to crown a Filipino beauty queen.

He boldly blamed Filipinos for sending the “wrong” candidate — Nikki de Moura — and suggested that they should’ve sent a GPS-equipped contestant instead. Itsaragrisil called de Moura “unprofessional” for walking out of the pageant when her name was not mentioned in the top 20.

Outraged Filipinos, who take their beauty queens seriously, were quick to retaliate.

The House of Representatives unanimously passed a resolution declaring Nawat persona non grata, proving that you should never mess with Filipino beauty queens, as the nation is willing to go to great lengths to protect their precious crowns. 

Beauty pageant diplomacy, a new chapter in international relations!