HOLLYWOOD WEIGHS IN ON DONALD TRUMP’S PRESIDENTIAL BID

cherHOLLYWOOD, California (The Adobo Chronicles®) – On her Twitter account today, singer Cher said that if Donald Trump were elected president of the United States, she would move to Jupiter.

Like Cher, many other Hollywood celebrities weighed in on the recent announcement by the business mogul that he was running for president in 2016.  Some were showing him love while others have threatened to alter their image or lifestyle.

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  • Justin Bieber – a fan of The Donald — will renounce his Canadian citizenship and become a full-fledged American
  • Kim Kardashian will go full frontal on the cover of Variety magazine
  • Zac Efron will shave his head, permanently
  • Caitlyn Jenner will transition back to being a man
  • Neil Patrick Harris will undergo gay conversion therapy in Texas
  • Emma Stone, star of the film, “Aloha,” will join the Hawaiian Sovereignty Movement
  • Meryl Streep will donate all her Oscar trophies to the Smithsonian National Museum
  • Steven Spielberg  will direct a new animation movie titled “Donald Duck Comes to Washington.”

Seeing as how Hollywood greatly influences politics, there is some talk that in a Trump presidency, the South Lawn of the White House would be renamed Jurrasic Park while the United Nations Headquarters in New York would be renamed Jurrasic World.

In addition Cirque du Soleil and the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus will permanently close shop since there would be enough circus going on in the White House.

SOUTH CAROLINA SHOOTING: OUR PUNCHLINE

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The suspect in custody (Photo: Reuters)

SILICON VALLEY, California (The Adobo Chronicles®Every day and every hour, we at The Adobo Chronicles® wave our magic wand to scan the world of news in the hope of shining the spotlight on things that are obvious, or not so obvious.

Then, our writers get right to work, putting their best spin — sometimes ridiculous, oftentimes funny, and occasionally offensive — in order to make sense (or not) of the topic at hand.

Next, we decide on the punchline for our news delivery.

It was business as usual yesterday. The top news was, of course, the shooting of nine people in a predominantly black church congregation in South Carolina allegedly by a 21-year-old white man.

It didn’t take long for our newsroom staff to decide on our punchline, which is …

NONE.

This is as crystal clear as black and white.

Our thoughts and prayers to the victims and families of this racist attack.

DONALD TRUMP’S PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN STRATEGY: MISS UNIVERSE TITLE HOLDERS

Miss Universe title holder Olivian Culpo of the United States
Miss Universe title holder Olivia Culpo of the United States

NEW YORK, New York (The Adobo Chronicles) – Donald Trump, who has just announced that he was running for president of the United States, has been accused of paying actors to attend his presidential bid announcement in New York this week.  But there’s more.

The business mogul, who admitted he was filthy rich during his announcement, has reportedly ennlisted all Miss Universe title holders for the last ten years to be his campaign managers. (Trump is the owner of the Miss Universe Pageant).

The Donald told reporters that engaging the beauty queens in his campaign would be the best strategy to beat his potential woman opponent in the 2016 elections, Hillary Clinton.

Sounds like a case of ‘Beauty and the Beast,” doesn’t it?