WHITE HOUSE RELEASES NEW PRESS BRIEFING ROOM SEATING CHART

The new White House Briefing Room seating chart

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles) – While FOX News and its loyal viewers are extremely devastated, Filipino Americans are ecstatic over the new seating chart that The White House has released for the press briefing room on 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

President Barack Obama has decided to de-commission FOX News and replace the conservative news network with The Adobo Chronicles.

The publisher of The Adobo Chronicles said : “We are very honored for this rare opportunity and we promise to ask the right intelligent questions during all White House Briefings.”

HOW INDIANA WILL IMPLEMENT ITS NEW ANTI-GAY LAW

tumblr_loqx3bLiuO1qznqqvo1_r1_1280INDIANAPOLIS, Indiana (The Adobo Chronicles) – Over loud objections from Indiana business leaders, GOP Governor Mike Pence has signed a new law that protects business owners who refuse service to gay and lesbian customers on religious grounds.

The law allows citizens of Indiana who are sued for discrimination to cite their religious beliefs as a defense.

A nagging question remains unanswered as the LGBT community and allies reacted angrily to the discriminatory legislation: how will businesses know who the gay customers are?

A fine-print provision of the new law mandates all commercial banks in the state to mark all currency withdrawn by gay men and women with the rainbow flag. Bank tellers will be required to ask suspicious-acting men and women if they are gay or lesbian.

As far as ATM machines are concerned, banks will now be asked to install a detection chip that would confirm the sexual orientation of the person withdrawing cash. It is a new technology that would scan the movement of a person’s fingers when entering his or her PIN.  Once confirmed, the ATM machine will spit out rainbow flag-stamped currency.

The “gay currency” is designed to glow in the dark.

Governor Pence said that this will take away the burden from discriminatory businesses of having to guess a customer’s sexual orientation.

You’ve got rainbow-stamped dollars? You are most certainly gay or lesbian!

 

 

FILIPINO SENATORS PROPOSE NEW PHILANDERING LAW

Marcos
Marcos

MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles) – Outside of The Vatican, the Philippines is now the only country in the world that denies divorce to the majority of its citizens. It is the last straggler among the most devout of Catholic countries where the church has fought hard to enforce the sanctity of marriage.

Not even Pope Francis, who visited the Philippines earlier this year, seems to be able to soften the stance of the country’s dual-faced politicians and ultra conservative church leaders.(Francis has urged his bishops to take a more forgiving stance toward divorced Catholics. But with divorce being illegal in the Philippines, Francis’ appeal is a moot point.)

Today,  Philippine senators have rejected a proposal to legalize divorce in the Philippines despite surveys showing majority of Filipinos agreed to legalize “irreconcilably separated” couples.

Many legislators admitted that a divorce law would have little to no chance of passing both houses of congress. President Aquino, a devout Catholic, had previously said he does not favor divorce.

In an alternative move, Senator Bongbong Marcos, with full support from his fellow legislators from all sides of the aisle, said he will introduce a bill that would legalize philandering. “It already is a widespread practice in the country,” Marcos said, ” we might as well make it part of the law of our land.”

It is common knowledge that many Filipino politicians are certified philanderers.

Not everyone is happy about the proposed new bill.  Wives of philandering politicians said they will vigorously oppose it. Mistresses of philandering politicians are undecided whether or not to support the bill. They are afraid that their secret affairs with the politicians will be made public once the bill becomes law.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 6,763 other followers

%d bloggers like this: