Republicans | The Adobo Chronicles

Minneapolis, Minnesota – Michele Bachmann, representative from Minnesota and a candidate for the 2012 Republican nomination for president, is in the news yet again, this time because of sweeping sexist and racist statements she told reporters regarding the U.S. presidential elections.

Bachmann said that America was not ready for a woman president, alluding to Hillary Clinton who is believed to be the frontrunner for the Democratic nomination for president in 2016. She also said that Barack Obama was elected president only because white people felt guilty about slavery.

Pressed by reporters on whether she was planning to seek the Republican presidential nomination again in 2016, Bachmann admitted that she can’t get elected because she’s dumb. “I’ve come to this reality for quite some time now,” she told reporters, “so I’m quite fine with giving up the contest in favor of our Republican boys’ club. But what I won’t give up is my title as ‘Queen of the Tea Party.'” She is the founder of the House Tea Party Caucus.

“Just like the Queen of England, Ms. Bachmann likes to be addressed as ‘Your Highness,’ aides told The Adobo Chronicles.

Washington, D.C. – Politicians have tried it all — including “beer diplomacy” — to settle their differences, especially those that are entrenched along party lines. This time, Republicans and Democrats are trying something different, weeks after negotiations continue to fail over ending the government shutdown. They are using music!

At its caucus meeting this morning, the Republican Party invited Grammy Award-winner Carrie Underwood, a registered Republican, to open their session with the song “Amazing Grace.” The Republicans skipped the usual prayer invocation. A source who was present at the closed-door meeting told The Adobo Chronicles that Carrie’s rendition of this religious classic seemed to have greatly inspired the caucus members to keep on fighting to advance their anti-Obamacare agenda as the primary negotiating point in the budget battle.

On the other side of the aisle, the Democrats, meeting at the Rose Garden of The White House to strategize their next move on the government shutdown, invited the Dixie Chicks to open their meeting. The Grammy Award-winning trio gained notoriety when they criticized George W. Bush during a 2003 concert in London. At the concert, they said they were “ashamed” that the President was from Texas. The trio also hails from the Lone Star State. As soon as the Dixie Chicks began their opening hit song, Democrats roared in approval and applause. The song? “Not Ready to Make Nice.”

Judging from the musical strategies of either party, there seems to be no immediate end in sight for the government shutdown.