Religion

Religious Fanaticism Gone Too Far?

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In the grand theater of Filipino religious devotion, absurdity sometimes takes the front pew. 

Picture this: the severed hand of a saintly statue, solemnly wielded by a priest, blessing devotees with the theatrical flair of a sacred Harry Potter wand. Is it holiness, or just a creative take on hygiene? After all, why risk the priest’s “unclean” mortal hands touching yours when Saint Whoever’s porcelain palm can do the job?

And let’s not forget the holy water. Gone are the days of humble sprinkling. Now, it’s dispensed with the gusto of a backyard water fight. Whether it’s a garden sprinkler or a neon toy water gun, the Faithful are doused with an enthusiasm rivaling a summer fiesta. 

Here’s hoping no one refilled the “holy pesticide” tank. 

If we’re sanctifying everything with such vigor, perhaps next year’s processions will feature drones showering blessings from the heavens. Truly divine efficiency!

Holiday, Politics, Social Media

The New Countdown Begins!

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Ah, the Filipino obsession with countdowns—where time isn’t just measured, it’s celebrated long before it even matters! 

Christmas kicks off in September, leaving us serenaded by carols while the rest of the world is still recovering from summer tans. Meanwhile, businesses gleefully remind us, “114 days left until Christmas!”—as if we could forget when “Jingle Bells” blasts in every mall.

Not to be outdone, politicians and their armies of meme factories launch the next election countdown faster than you can say “2028 na, mga kababayan!” The ink on the inauguration certificates isn’t even dry, but don’t worry—they’ll tell you it’s 1,240 days until the next vote.

And now that it’s 2025, let’s brace for the new circus coming to town —the May 12 midterm elections — a spectacle featuring not just clowns and crocodiles but also big elephants no one acknowledges. 

Welcome to the Philippines, where democracy doubles as a variety show.

Legislation, Politics, Social Media

2025: Contemptuous Paid DDS Vloggers To Star In Congressional Probe

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In a move worthy of a Netflix special, House leaders have announced their noble quest to cleanse social media of fake news and malicious content. 

Armed with gavels and righteous indignation, these paragons of virtue—self-proclaimed guardians of free speech—are ready to wage war against disinformation. Naturally, their approach will involve marathon hearings featuring the crème de la crème of notorious paid DDS vloggers. Expect Maharlika, Trixie Cruz-Angeles, Mark Lopez, Sass Rogando Sasot, Glenn Chong, Joie de Vivre, Maui Spencer, and the ever-unapologetic Lorraine Badoy to grace the congressional stage in an epic livestream spectacle.

Of course, our legislators, champions of saintly community standards, will remind everyone that the moral high ground is their exclusive domain. The proceedings promise high drama, theatrical outrage, and the occasional unintelligible word salad. 

By 2025, when contempt charges inevitably fly, Filipinos will have gotten weeks’ worth of free entertainment. So, grab your popcorn and brace yourselves for the circus—our taxes, well spent!

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