PHILIPPINES BANS SLEEPING UNDER COCONUT TREES

imageManila, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles) – President NoyNoy Aquino signed an executive order today making it illegal for Filipinos and tourists to sleep under coconut trees. It is a favorite pastime especially during the dry summer months.

The new law is expected to impact millions who live or vacation in coastal areas in this country of more than 7,000 islands.

Executive order 7011 was issued in response to a recently-released study by Greenpeace Philippines which found that there are ten times more people who die each year from falling coconuts than from shark attacks.  The study was released in time for shark week which began Sunday.

Violation of the the new law carries a fine of 1,000 pesos for the first offense and 5 days in jail for each subsequent offense.

Non-Filipino tourists will be immediately deported with the first violation.

 

 

 

 

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MANILA’S INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT INSTALLS HEATERS BY MISTAKE

imageManila, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles) – If you are planning to travel to the Philippines in the next  few months, be prepared for extreme hot temperatures when you land at Ninoy Aquino International Airport (NAIA) in Manila.

NAIA’s reputation as one of the worst airports in the world has been exacerbated by airconditioning problems in its terminals, with incoming and outgoing passengers describing the terminal as a dry sauna. So it was a welcome relief when the airport administration finally received the shipment of 36 airconditioning units it had ordered from Japan. With much fanfare, Angel Hornado, general manager of the Manila International Airport Authority, announced last week that the installation of the new units would begin and will be completed in three working days.

Like with all projects in the Philippines, a ribbon-cutting ceremony was scheduled Saturday to mark the official switching on of the new airconditioning units. Presidential sister, actress and television host Kris Aquino was invited as honored guest to cut the ribbon. “It’s quite an emotional moment for me,” she said.  NAIA was, of course, named after her dad who was assassinated at the same airport upon his return from exile during the Marcos years.

Then Hornado flashed a thumbs up to signal the switching on of the cooling units.  In less than 15 minutes, all units were functioning and guests and passengers could hear the soft humming of the fans that started to blow air into the sprawling, albeit crowded terminal.

But something was obviously terribly wrong. The new units were blowing hot air and they added to the already warm and humid temperature inside the terminal.

Immediately, an aide came rushing towards Hornado and whispered, “Sir, the units that were installed were actually heaters!”

Apparently, something was lost in translation when the airconditioning units were ordered from Japan.

For now, NAIA remains the hottest airport in the world.

 

 

2,000 HAIL MARYS A DAY NOT ENOUGH TO ATONE FOR JANET NAPOLES’ SINS, ACCORDING TO BISHOP

imageManila, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles) – Atty. Stephen David, lawyer for suspected pork barrel scandal mastermind Janet Lim-Napoles told reporters today that his client prays 2,000 Hail Marys everyday as a way to cope with the emotional and mental stress of incarceration.

Napoles is currently in jail in connection with the elaborate scam that diverted 10 Billion pesos of taxpayer money into fake Nongovernmental organizations (NGOs) and into the pockets of elected officials.  Three senators, Juan Ponce Enrile, Bong Revilla, Jr. and Jinggoy Estrada have also been arrested and jailed for their alleged involvement in the scam.

Reacting to the lawyer’s statement, Socrates Villegas, president of the Catholic Bishops Conference of the Philippines (CBCP) said that 2,000 Hail Marys a day is not enough for Napoles to atone for her sins. Bishop Villegas said that under the moral principle of ‘an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth’ Napoles would need to pray 10 Billion Hail Marys before she can even ask the Lord for pardon. “She has a long way to go,” Villegas said.

As to whether praying Hail Marys would eventually lead to Napoles’ release from prison, Villegas said, “that’s up to the Philippine government. As you know, separation of church and state is a basic tenet of the constitution.”

Reader participation: How many Hail Marys would it take for Napoles to complete 10 Billion? Post your answers in the comment section.

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