Seattle, Washington (The Adobo Chronicles) – During ancient times in Syria, goats were covered with silver necklaces and left open out in the city on the king’s wedding. It is believed that they carry evils with them. Certain communities like Silenus and the Fauns had part of their bodies shaped like goat. In Africa people have goat as their primary divinity. In Greece and Egypt, goats are worshipped in goat and phallic form.
It is therefore no surprise that when a biotech company announced that it was developing a new drug to treat erectile dysfunction using horny goat, it was met with worldwide criticism and protest. The company, Plandaí Biotechnology, Inc. said it will begin testing and developing a new drug whose primary active ingredient is icariin, extracted from horny goat. It is similar to the active ingredient in another E.D. drug, Viagra.
Pickets were scheduled this week in front of the company’s headquarters in Seattle as well as its offices in Europe.
A spokesperson for Plandaí told The Adobo Chronicles that it was all a big misunderstanding and acknowledged that its marketing department did not do a good job in promoting the potential new drug.
“Icariin is an extract from the plant Epidemium which is also called horny goat weed. It is a phosphodiesterase type 5 inhibitor similar to sildenafil, the active ingredient in Viagra,” he said.
He added: “Besides, how on earth would we be able to determine if a goat (referring to the animal) is horny or not?”
San Francisco, California (The Adobo Chronicles) – Philippine President NoyNoy Aquino, on his last U.S. stop before returning to Manila after attending the U.N. Summit on Climate Change, decided he wanted a hamburger. Not a Jollibee burger. A McDonald’s burger.
He chose the McDonald’s store in San Francisco’s famous Haight-Ashbury district, home to beads, bangles, psychedelic t-shirts, flower power and weed.
Because he is a head of state, the San Francisco Police Department provided a whole battalion of motorcycle cops to escort Aquino as he and his entourage navigated the narrow streets of the Haight. Streets and alleys surrounding McDonald’s were blocked causing a nightmarish traffic jam and lots of frayed nerves among motorists.
The Adobo Chronicles caught up with Aquino as he went into the nearby Amoeba bookstore to browse some jazz CDs. Informed about the traffic mess he had created, Aquino dismissed the criticism, saying that much worse traffic is a daily occurrence in his country, especially in Metro Manila. “San Franciscans should just shut the f**k up when they experience a little standstill in the streets,” he said.
Asked why he chose to eat at McDonald’s instead of the Filipino fast food joint Jollibee, Aquino said he already eats Jollibee chicken joy and sweet spaghetti every day in Manila. “I wanted to try an authentic American burger.” When told there are McDonald’s stores in the Philippines, Aquino said, “Really? I had no clue!”
Cupertino, California (The Adobo Chronicles) – In response to viral posts and videos showing that the new iPhone 6 Plus can easily bend when pressure is applied to it, Apple issued the following guidelines to its customers and potential buyers when using the 5.5-inch smart phone:
Don’t put them in your front pocket if you’re wearing tight pants. Really tight pants.
Don’t put them in your back pocket and sit on it. Duh!
Don’t try to be a smart ass by posting a video of yourself on YouTube forcefully bending your new iPhone 6 Plus. Even your Apple Care subscription will not cover the damage.
Don’t be a bully by using your phone to beat up other people.
Drinking and texting with your iPhone 6 Plus don’t mix.
Leave your phone at home when you go to the gym. Especially when you’re into lifting weights.
Never ever get into a debate with Android phone owners (Samsung, Nexus, HTC , etc.) on which phone is more superior.
Always keep your phone at least 10 feet away from a barbecue grill. Especially during tailgate parties where alcohol is served.
Don’t ever lend your phone to an angry wrestler.
If you have tiny hands, make sure to wear traction gloves when using your phone . That will prevent the phone from slipping off your hands.