Category Archives: Technology

USPS’ ANSWER TO AMAZON’S DRONE DELIVERY: ‘RABBIT EXPRESS’

imageWashington, DC – The big news this week was Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos’ announcement that the future of package delivery would be the unmanned drone. It has generated both jitters and excitement in government circles and the business community because of its impact on airspace security and potential for crime as well as the efficiency of the shipping industry.

Today, the United States Postal Service (USPS) announced its response to Amazon’s drone delivery.  It is calling it the Rabbit Express, not to be confused with the bus service to and from New York City.

For many years now, USPS has been plaqued with financial problems due to competition from shipping services like UPS and FedEx as well as the  ease and popularity of emails versus postal delivery.

Unknown to many, USPS has been developing a new delivery service that would be faster and cheaper than all the services it currently offers while eliminating the need for mail delivery (human) personnel.

Classified documents obtained by The Adobo Chronicles revealed that USPS has been training herds and herds of rabbits which, with the aid of computer chips, could deliver letters and flat envelopes to addresses within a 50-mile radius of post offices in less than 20 minutes.  The documents showed that the cost of the Rabbit Express would be 50% less than what USPS now charges for flat-rate priority mail. The secret training farm is located somewhere in Arizona.

If it fits the size and weight of the rabbit, it ships!

APPLE TO DUMP “AUTOCORRECT”

imageCupertino, California – Facing mounting criticism for the autocorrect feature of its smart phones and tablets, Apple today announced that it will be issuing an update to its iOS 7 that will virtually eliminate the much ridiculed feature which has embarassed a lot of people and cost them their personal relationships.

In place of autocorrect, iOS 7-C  will feature an automatic copy editor that will correct spelling and grammatical errors on social media.

Netizens have long been annoyed by grammatical errors on posts, texts and other Internet messages, so this iOS update is definitely a welcome relief.

Apple will employ copyeditors at its Cupertino headquarters to secretly monitor all posts and messages from its customers. These “live” persons will flag any grammatical errors and correct them in real time.  Apple has reportedly hired hundreds of copy editors who were fired or laid off from newspapers and other media outlets  as a result of downsizing, mergers and bankruptcies.

Examples of grammatical errors that will disappear from social media are the misuse of words like “It’s and Its,” “There, They’re and Their,” “Affect and Effect,” “Lie and Lay.”

“Social media will also see a vast improvement in the use of commas, apostrophes, quotation marks, among others,” Apple said.