In a baffling turn of events, the Davao City police have managed to misplace the whereabouts of Apollo Quiboloy, the embattled leader of the Kingdom of Jesus Christ. 

Their claim of cluelessness raises eyebrows among citizens who now question their ability to serve and protect. Oddly enough, while Quiboloy remains elusive, the police have miraculously located and swiftly dealt with alleged shabu users, dispatching seven of them within a mere 48 hours. 

Perhaps the Davao police should consider seeking assistance from the group of Manila pro-Duterte v/bloggers who recently rendezvoused with the self-proclaimed “appointed son of God” in their city. After all, it wasn’t exactly a covert gathering. 

In the realm of law enforcement priorities, it seems tracking down a controversial religious figure takes a backseat to pursuing individuals suspected of drug offenses. Priorities, it appears, are divinely selective.

With a mix of sadness and relief, The Adobo Chronicles announces its closure on April 1, 2024. 

We extend our gratitude to the 28 million supporters worldwide who embraced our well-researched and entirely factual stories. Though our impact on news and social media is undeniable, the weight of incessant hate and criticism has become unbearable. Accusations of being a paid troll have wounded us deeply. 

We depart with the hope that, at the very least, we’ve brought smiles to tired and stressed faces. For us, that remains our ultimate purpose. 

As we bid farewell, we urge our readers to cherish the satirical moments we’ve shared and to continue questioning the media landscape. Remember, truth often hides in jest, and laughter can be the best form of dissent.