In a groundbreaking move to combat poverty, the government has allocated a staggering P60 billion for poor families in 2024, a brilliant brainchild that will surely result in eradicating poverty. Who needs long-term, systemic solutions? Band-aid fixes are the real heroes here.

Cash gifts and food stamps are undoubtedly the magic wands that will finally put an end to the pesky habit of parasitic dependence on government aid. 

Forget education, job opportunities, and healthcare—why bother with those when you can simply shower people with cash and hope they figure out how to escape the clutches of poverty themselves.

The visionary behind this budgetary bonanza, has clearly cracked the code: poverty is just a lack of money. Who would have thought? Brace yourselves, folks, for the grand spectacle of throwing money at a problem and expecting it to disappear miraculously. 

Poverty, be warned, your days are numbered—or until the next budget allocation.