(Melchor Vergara contributed to this report)

In a stunning display of Wala Akong Pake Energy, Sara Duterte stripped the Office of the Vice President seal off her podium like it was an annoying price tag on a designer bag she didn’t even want. “Replace it with the Office of the President seal!” she declared, as if changing job titles were as easy as updating your LinkedIn profile.

Spectators gawked, unsure if they were witnessing a political statement or a particularly aggressive garage sale. Rumors swirled: Was this the beginning of a graceful resignation or a not-so-graceful I’m-taking-over cosplay?

Critics screamed “usurpation!”, while Sara shrugged, already imagining herself giving speeches from Malacañang’s front steps. If nothing else, she reminded the country that in Philippine politics, reality often outpaces satire—and sometimes all it takes to trigger a constitutional crisis is a stubborn woman, a microphone, and a podium with suspiciously empty real estate.