As Rodrigo Duterte stares down the ICC, the speculation over his defense team is more gripping than a primetime teleserye. First on the list is former Executive Secretary Salvador Medialdea—because, well, loyalty points matter. Then there’s Harry Roque, the once-human-rights-lawyer-turned-Duterte-cheerleader, who will probably argue that the ICC has no jurisdiction while enjoying Dutch stroopwafels. Sara Duterte might also step in—because what’s a family business without family? Salvador Panelo will surely show up in an outrageous outfit, while Glenn Chong may try to argue election fraud instead of crimes against humanity. And of course, Trixie Cruz-Angeles will be live-blogging the entire thing.

But the real twist? A dream team headed by Amal Clooney for the prosecution. After all, Mrs. George Clooney has represented world leaders and Nobel Peace Prize laureate Maria Ressa!

The ICC courtroom will turn into a Hollywood blockbuster as Clooney, defender of democracy, takes on Team Duterte’s legal circus. If this were a Netflix series, it’d be called Objection! The Philippine Drama You Never Knew You Needed.