Imagine this.

In a bold move to “Make America Empty Again,” Trump’s immigration task force successfully deported everyone who wasn’t white. Factories ground to a halt, Silicon Valley engineers vanished, and suddenly, no one knew how to cook their own food. Wealthy elites found themselves scrubbing their own toilets, hedge fund managers attempted to pick strawberries (and lasted 20 minutes before fainting), and Karen’s favorite Thai restaurant? Closed—because, surprise, Chad doesn’t know how to make Pad Thai.

Wall Street collapsed, Uber rides disappeared, and hospitals operated at half capacity as doctors and nurses were shipped off. Even Mar-a-Lago shut down—turns out, no one wanted to work minimum wage to fold Trump’s golden bedsheets. Meanwhile, Americans sat in their overpriced homes, wondering how their “self-sufficient” nation fell apart in two weeks.

And so, in a shocking twist, Trump made an emergency call: “Come back! I was just kidding!” But the world had moved on.