All hail (or is it heil?), King Donald the First, Sovereign of Mar-a-Lago, Protector of Tax Cuts, and Ruler by Executive Order!

Forget Congress—His Majesty has deemed them irrelevant, soon to be replaced by a reality TV show where contestants compete to draft legislation on live television. His first royal decrees? Deportation of the undocumented (except his golf caddies), renaming the Gulf of Mexico to “Trump Waters,” and cutting federal funding to anything that doesn’t bear his golden monogram.

The IRS? Audited, because no one audits the King! NATO? Defunded—who needs allies when you have “really, really great” instincts? And who is the royal power behind the throne? None other than Lord Elon of Mars, the billionaire kingmaker! With his rockets and Twitter army, he ensures that His Majesty’s reign will be as eternal as his tax loopholes.

Next up: A gold-plated Mount Rushmore with just one face.