The Kingdom of Jesus Christ, in a stunning revelation, has declared it will no longer grace Maisug rallies with its divine presence, citing a renewed focus on its “evangelical mission.” 

One can only assume that for years, its mission involved waving placards for political dynasties, because what better way to spread the Good Word than by supporting the oligarchical ambitions of the Dutertes? 

Clearly, salvation was temporarily on hold, sacrificed for a front-row seat at political rallies. But now, lo and behold, the light has dawned, and the Kingdom has realized that perhaps their time is better spent on, you know, religion. 

With their exit, the already tiny crowds will likely shrink to a level that rivals an early morning prayer group. One must wonder: will the Duterte rallies now be as empty as their promises? Ah well, every kingdom has its limits