Rest Easy: Filipino Boxer Is Alive And Kicking And Is Headed For The Paris Olympics!

by Melchor Vergara

In a classic case of “Don’t judge a post by its layout,” many Filipinos briefly mourned the imagined demise of boxing sensation Carlos Paalam. 

The Philippine Sports Commission’s announcement, with its somber design, had fans mistaking it for an obituary. 

Cue the collective gasp and frantic Google searches. But before you could say “Rest in Peace,” it became clear: Paalam isn’t pushing up daisies; he’s punching his ticket to the 2024 Paris Olympics. 

Yes, sports fans, breathe easy—our golden boy is alive and kicking, literally. The supposed death notice was actually a heartwarming update on his Olympic qualification. 

Let’s hope the only thing that dies is our opponents’ hopes as Paalam goes for gold. Until then, here’s a tip for the Sports Commission: maybe save the funeral aesthetics for actual bad news.

June 15, 2024: Doomsday For The Philippine Economy!

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Critics of the administration have declared June 15, 2024, as “OFW Non-remittance Day,” urging Overseas Filipino Workers (OFWs) to withhold sending money to their families for 24 hours. The predicted economic apocalypse? Well, brace yourselves for… nothing. 

First, no devoted OFWs would deprive their family of essential funds just to make a political point. Moreover, the date itself is laughable—most OFWs remit funds at the beginning or end of the month, not smack in the middle. 

The last time this genius strategy was attempted, during the late PNoy’s administration, it was scheduled at month’s end and still flopped spectacularly. 

The only ones not getting the memo are the critics, who are desperately clinging to the belief that this symbolic gesture will hurt the economy and embarrass the administration.

Spoiler alert: it won’t. The most likely impact? A few chuckles from OFWs who know better.