U.S. Surgeon General | The Adobo Chronicles

BETHESDA, Maryland (The Adobo Chronicles) – In his first major health warning since assuming the post of U.S. Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek H. Murthy has confirmed that texting is detrimental to the health of Americans.

“The repetitive movement of the thumbs while texting causes nerve damage similar to that of carpal tunnel,” Murthy said. “It is a condition known as numb thumb, which, like the name suggests causes people’s thumbs to become numb and almost paralyzed,” he added.

The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) has reported an increasing number of numb thumb cases in the U.S. and is afraid that it will turn into an epidemic.

Since the onset of modern mobile technology, texting has replaced phone calls, letter writing and in-person conversations as the primary mode of communication, and many smart phone owners, especially younger people, have developed amazing skills in speed texting.

The Surgeon General has recommended that Americans limit their texting to no more than 15 minutes a day to avoid nerve damage and numbness in the thumb.

Among the notable Surgeon General warnings in the past came from the late C. Everett Koop who confirmed that smoking causes cancer and that condoms can prevent HIV infection.

ATLANTA, Georgia (The Adobo Chronicles®) – While health authorities in Southeast Asia are alarmed at the increasing number of cases of the Middle East Respiratory Syndrome (MERS), officials of the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) are worried about a possible epidemic of a mysterious oral bacterial infection among Americans.

In just the last 24 hours, the CDC has confirmed more than 5 Million cases of the bacterial infection, based on reports from community clinics, hospitals and emergency rooms across the country.

The reports prompted U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Hallegere Murthy to go on national television this morning, asking his fellow Americans to remain calm.

“The government can confirm that indeed, millions of Americans came down with this still unknown oral bacterial infection that seems to have spread quickly in almost all states. Investigators from the CDC were immediately dispatched to try to trace the source of the infection.”

“As of this morning, we have positively identified the culprit for this oral infection. Yesterday, June 19, was “National Kissing Day.”

“There is no reason to be alarmed as everything will pass. I am asking Americans to refrain from kissing anyone for at least two weeks until this artificial epidemic has died down.”

The human mouth harbors up to 80 Million microbes at any given time.

For now, give hugs, not kisses.