PHILIPPINES LAYS CLAIM TO POLYNESIA

Micronesian_Cultural_AreaThe Hague, Netherlands – The Philippine government has filed a formal petition with the United Nations, laying territorial claim to the countries in Polynesia.  The petition was submitted by the Philippines’ permanent representative to the U.N. Libran Cabactulan to the International Court of Justice located at The Hague in the Netherlands.

The petition came after the National Geographic published the results of a new research study on ancient chicken DNA which led to the conclusion that the Philippines could actually be the ancestral home of the Polynesians.

The researchers found that Polynesian chickens had their roots in the Philippines, making that region a candidate for the homeland of the mysterious Lapita people thought to be ancestral to Polynesians who transported the domesticated birds to the Pacific islands.

Ancient chicken DNA confirms Filipinos were the ancestors of Polynesians
Ancient chicken DNA confirms Filipinos were the ancestors of Polynesians

“We have identified genetic signatures of the original Polynesian chickens, and used these to track early movements and trading patterns across the Pacific,” said lead author Dr. Vicki Thomson of the Australian Center for Ancient DNA (ACAD). “We were also able to trace the origins of these lineages back into the Philippines, providing clues about the source of the original Polynesian chicken populations.”

Philippine President NoyNoy Aquino ecstatically briefed reporters about the petition, saying that the territorial claim could be the highlight of his presidency. He added that the Philippines will abandon its claim to the disputed Spratly Islands in the West Philippine Sea, which are also being claimed by China.

Aquino said he would rather pursue the claim to Polynesia because it would mean the Philippines’ expansion to larger territories like Hawaii, Samoa, Tonga, Cook Islands, Fiji, New Zealand , and several other islands in the Pacific. “This would make the Philippines truly a world power,” Aquino said.

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RUSSIA’S NEXT TARGET: ALASKA

Putin and Palin (file photo)
Putin and Palin (file photo)

Moscow, Russia – Remember Sarah Palin’s famous words, “I can see Russia from my house?”  Well, those words have now come to haunt her native Alaska.

Moments after President Vladimir Putin officially declared that Crimea in Ukraine is now officially part of Russia, he announced before the Russian Parliament that Alaska is next in the country’s ongoing territorial expansion.

A signing ceremony Tuesday between Russian President Vladimir Putin, the Prime Minister of Crimea and the mayor of the city of Sevastopol made Crimea’s annexation official, the Kremlin said in a statement.

Putin has sent Palin an invitation to Moscow to discuss the next steps in officially making Alaska a part of Russia. “Russia and Alaska have many things in common, Putin said, “including cold winters, cold people, clueless politicians, Christianity,  even history.”

Palin in her backyard.  Russia is seen in the background
Palin in her Alaska home. Russia is seen in the background

The earliest written accounts indicate that the first Europeans to reach Alaska came from Russia. In 1648 Semyon Dezhnev  sailed from the mouth of the Kolyma River through the Arctic Ocean and around the eastern tip of Asia to the Anadyr River. One legend holds that some of his boats were carried off course and reached Alaska. “Russia discovered Alaska,” Putin said.

Unconfirmed reports say that Putin offered Palin the vice presidency of Russia should Alaska agree to the annexation.

The White House has declined to comment on Putin’s announcement, saying “we don’t comment on pending matters.”

$10,000 AND CUPCAKES FROM ELLEN SHOW DIDN’T IMPRESS 3-YEAR-OLD YOUTUBE SENSATION

Mateo and Ellen
Mateo and Ellen

Burbank, California – Last week, The Adobo Chronicles reported that three-year-old YouTube sensation Mateo Beltran who was videotaped arguing with his mom Linda over cupcakes demanded that he be paid $50,000 for his and his mom’s appearance on the Ellen Show.  Upon watching the YouTube video, host Ellen DeGeneres invited mother and son to be guests on her show.

This week, Mateo and Linda did appear on Ellen’s show, but to the little boy’s disappointment, all he got was $10,000 and some cupcakes.  Just before coming out on the show, Mateo was informed about the gift of cash and cupcakes.  He was not happy.

So during the live taping of the show, Mateo did nothing close to his witty, argumentative and endearing performance that millions saw on YouTube.  He just sat on Linda’s lap, had one-word responses to Ellen’s questions, and basically did not pay attention to what was going on.

Ellen was of course equally disappointed, but learned a good lesson that no one, not even a celebrity television host, can shortchange a smart three-year-old, especially one named Mateo Beltran.

Here is a clip of Mateo appearance on the Ellen Show.

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