Washington, D.C. – An estimated eleven million undocumented immigrants now living in the United States have started receiving notices in the mail to report to their nearest Citizenship and Immigration Services centers for immediate processing of their green cards. While the Department of Homeland Security and the State Department have both denied sending such notices, officials admit that from all indicatons, the letters seemed authentic and did originate from Homeland Security’s visa processing centers across the country. As such, the officials said they have no choice but to honor the notices and instructed immigration centers to start processing the green cards.
The Adobo Chronicles learned from reliable sources that a group of hackers was able to infiltrate the State Department and DHS computers and reset their systems to change the status of all undocumented immigrants to “legal.”
The hackers apparently got the idea after seeing the film, “Elysium.” In the movie, disease and poverty-stricken planet earth people are all wanting to be transported to a circular space station built and occupied by wealthy former earthlings. The station has the capability of curing any disease. However, only documented citizens of Elysium can enter the space station. Hackers then succeeded in re-booting Elysium’s data center and with the click of a button, automatically made all earth people citizens of the man-made circular planet.
Lausanne, Switzerland – Coming under intense pressure from participating countries in the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia, the International Olympics Committee (IOC) today made a stunning announcement that no one had ever anticipated.
International sentiment has been growing each day since news of the Russian government’s crackdown on homosexuality in what was once part of the Sovet Union first broke out. This government crackdown was prompted by recent draconian laws that make the promotion of the homosexual lifestyle within Russian borders not only illegal but subject to the persecutional whims of the police and military.
Concerned about potential boycotts by Olympic teams from a huge number of countries, the IOC issued an unprecedented ruling that involves a mandatory attire for all athletes, delegates and media representatives attending the winter games.
The IOC ruling requires all athletes, delegates and media representatives to wear a special official jacket during the games’ opening and closing ceremonies, and throughout the 17-day competitions. The official jacket features the colors of the gay rainbow flag , emblazoned with the Olympic rings logo (see photo).
Russian president Vladimir Putin has not issued any statement in reaction to the IOC announcement.
Pasay City, Philippines – Each of the 24 Philippine Senators are allocated P200 million annually to spend on their pet public projects. The money comes from taxpayers and is part of the Priority Development Assistance Fund (PDAF), more commonly known as pork barrel.
The PDAF hit the headlines yet again after an alleged scam involving the diversion of several lawmakers’ pork barrel funds was exposed in the media. Funds, totalling P10 billion, were allegedly poured into phony Non-Governmental Organizations (NGOs), to the personal benefit of the senators and their cronies.
On Friday, a herd of pigs staged a peaceful protest in front of the Senate Building on Roxas Boulevard in Pasay City. Protest organizers said the pigs were tired of their reputation being tarnished by these pork barrel scams. They also announced their support for a proposed resolution filed Wednesday by Senator Miriam Defensor-Santiago which would totally eliminate lawmaker pork barrels by 2016.
Friday’s protest is only the second such public disobedience staged by the country’s pigs. The first known pig protest was held a few months ago during the Parada Ng Lechon (Parade of Roasted Pork). See story here.