PHILIPPINE PRESIDENTIAL HOPEFUL JEJOMAR BINAY PROMISES TO BRING GOVERNMENT CLOSER TO THE PEOPLE

Boracay's white sandy beach
Boracay’s white sandy beach

Manila, Philippines – The next Philippine presidential election will not happen until 2016 but already, incumbent Vice President Jejomar “Jojo” Binay has made clear his intention to run for the top position in this nation of almost 100 Million people.

In fact, Binay has already finalized his campaign meme which he will officially launch in June this year. The meme? “Bring the government closer to the people, but away from the maddening crowd (read: Manila’s traffic nightmare).

Pressed by The Adobo Chronicles to provide a concrete example on how he plans to pursue this campaign promise, Binay said that his first official act as president would be to transfer Malacañang, the official residence of the Philippine president, from its current location in Manila to Boracay Resort in Central Philippines.

Philippine Vice President Jojo Binay
Philippine Vice President Jojo Binay

Boracay is a world-famous beach town considered one of the best, if not the best in the world.  Few beaches can compare to Boracay’s immaculate white sand.

Binay said Boracay makes the most sense as the center of government because it is in the center of the Philippines. He added that Boracay is traffic-free and would enable the president to move around efficiently without the need for “wang wang.” “Wang wang” is the term used by Filipinos to refer to sirens used by government officials in their limousines to help get through congested traffic.

Binay also said that Boracay is the ideal place for the president to host foreign leaders and dignitaries because of its breath-taking views and world-class accommodations. The vice president is finalizing plans to build an international airport in Boracay to be named “The Binay Family International Airport.”

Binay’s political dynasty includes son Junjun who is mayor of Makati City and daughters Nancy and Abigail, senator and congresswoman, respectively.

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PHILIPPINE SENATORS COME TO THE DEFENSE OF FILIPINO AMERICAN OSCAR WINNER ROBERT LOPEZ

LOPEZManila, Philippines – Three top Philippine senators came to the defense of Filipino American Robert Lopez who just bagged an Oscar award as co-composer of the song “Let It Go,” from the Disney animated film, “Frozen.”  By winning the Oscar, Lopez joins an elite few who have won in all of the top and prestigious American awards such as the Emmy, the Grammy, the Oscar and the Tony, more popularly know in the entertainment world as “EGOT.”

The three senators were Ramon “Bong’ Revilla, Jr. , Manuel “Lito” Lapid and Vicente “Tito” Sotto III.  All were former movie actors in the Philippines.  They criticized the U.S. media for referring to Lopez as “EGOT winner.”  “Egot” is a derogatory Filipino slang word often used to belittle or make fun of dark-skinned or black people.

In a statement read during today’s session of the Philippine Senate, Revilla, Lapid and Sotto accused the U.S. media of being racist and insensitive. “We are extremely proud of the honor that Lopez has brought to our country and to characterize him as such (“egot”) is unbecoming of Americans who pride themselves as the most ethnically and culturally sensitive people in the world,” they said.

The two senators were joined in the signed protest statement by their senate colleagues who also have some connection to film and the media, namely: Jinggoy Ejercito Estrada whose father, former Philippine president and now mayor of Manila Joseph Estrada  was a movie actor; Loren Legarda, who was a television journalist; and Grace Poe, daughter of real-life husband and wife actors Fernando Poe, Jr. and Susan Roces.

JOHN TRAVOLTA WILL HOST NEXT YEAR’S OSCARS

John Travolta, left, and Adele Dazeem, a.k.a. Idina Menzel
John Travolta, left, and Adele Dazeem, a.k.a. Idina Menzel

Hollywood, California – Sometimes, it pays to mess up. Especially in Hollywood. In front of thousands of Hollywood celebrities and millions of television viewers.

Less than  24 hours after the 86th Oscar Awards were handed out in glittering, snow-flaky ceremonies at The Dolby Theater in Hollywood, the board of governors of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences announced that while it has received thousands of emails asking that Ellen DeGeneres be again named as the host of next year’s Oscars, it has made an irrevocable decision to name John Travolta as host of the 87th Oscars.

The board of governors was reportedly impressed by Travolta’s hilarious unscripted spiel when he introduced Idina Menzel as “Adele Dazeem.” Menzel performed the Oscar-nominated song, “Let It Go,” from the Disney animated film, “Frozen.” The song went on to win the Oscar for best song.

“We’re always looking for talented hosts who are funny, can do impromptu monologues and acts, and make the four-hour awards ceremony anything but boring,” said Academy president Cheryl Boone Isaacs.  “Our governing board members thought that having a host who will mispronounce and mess up with the names of nominees, winners and presenters would be quite a show stealer,” she added.image

So, Oscars fans, gird your loins and brace for the funniest monologues you will ever hear on Oscar night.  For example:

“Welcome to the 87th Ocsars. I am very honored to be in the company of Hollywood greats like Mereen Strips, Martini Scoreski, Jennifer Warlence, Nidsey Porter and Steven Borgspill.  My name is Von Tratolva, and I’m your host for this evening.”

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