MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) – Members of Gilas Pilipinas basketball team, fresh from their triumphant victory at the 2023 ASIAD in China, are now questioning the authenticity of their gold medals.

Rumors have circulated that the medals might be mere gold-plated trinkets, fueling the age-old Filipino suspicion that anything “Made in China” is counterfeit. “It just seemed too shiny to be true,” said one perplexed player.

In response, the Chinese government assured the team that their medals were genuine, sparking laughter from the Filipinos who now suspect China may be trying to fake a sense of humor as well.

by Melchor Vergara

Ah, the rollercoaster ride of Philippine sports, where ineptitude and enlightenment often dance hand in hand. In one corner, we had Chot Reyes, the man who transformed “learning experience” into a catchphrase for incompetence. After nearly a year of tireless preparation for the FIBA World Cup, Gilas, our national basketball team, showcased a stunning array of losses, like a masterclass in how not to perform on the international stage. But hey, why not add insult to injury by suggesting that we should rely on divine intervention to secure victory? It’s not like we needed any actual coaching, right?

Reyes did have the audacity to grace the world with his resignation, but not before blaming the fans for the demoralization of his team. Of course, it’s always everyone else’s fault, especially the fans who dared to criticize his flawless coaching. Classic narcissism at its finest. On the bright side, he was probably the best-dressed coach in the World Cup, parading around in designer suits that cost more than the average Filipino’s annual salary. Priorities, people!

Then, in a twist of fate, enters Tim Cone, the PBA’s winningest coach and an owner of two PBA Grand Salam titles. It’s almost like fate handed us a lifeline after the Reyes debacle. Cone only had two weeks to put together a team for the 2023 Asian Games, a task so Herculean that the lineup was basically assembled the same day they were supposed to leave for Hangzhou. Who needs months of preparation, right?

But Cone, in his unassuming wisdom, decided to forego the cute hashtags and cheeky slogans, opting for the radical approach of playing for the gold medal. How quaint! And lo and behold, in just three days, they managed to do what the previous Gilas team couldn’t achieve in the entire World Cup: win their first two games. They even managed to lose to Jordan, almost as if they wanted to keep things exciting.

But let’s not forget the drama against Iran, where we almost blew a 21-point lead, only to win by a single point. Then, we experienced the sweet taste of revenge against China, coming back from a 20-point deficit and leaving Yao Ming with a face full of disgust. Who knew that playing basketball could be this exciting?

With three games in three consecutive days, they now had their chance at redemption against their first-round tormentors. And they put on a show, showcasing skills, grit, and determination that culminated in a gold medal victory we hadn’t witnessed in 61 years. Yes, you heard it right. We are once again the kings of Asian Games basketball. Everyone played their part in this epic tale, even Coach Reyes. His “learning experience” program may not have bagged the championship, but it did leave a lasting legacy. It taught us all what NOT to do to win a tournament.

Thank you, Chot Reyes, for your invaluable contribution to the annals of Philippine sports. We salute you!