In the colorful circus of Philippine news media, recent events suggest they’ve swapped their fact-checking magnifying glasses for rose-tinted blinders. 

Forget reliable sources; now, the exclusive go-to oracle seems to be none other than Antonio Trillanes, the erstwhile petitioner for an ICC investigation into Duterte’s drug war. 

Move over, investigative journalism, and make way for “The Trillanes Times,” where breaking news is born from the musings of a former senator with a knack for self-promotion.

Who needs ICC investigators on Philippine soil when Trillanes, armed with his psychic powers, can channel their findings with uncanny accuracy? 

It’s a riveting tale of journalistic acumen—relying on a single source with vested interests, much like trusting a cat to guard a fish market. One can only imagine the headlines: “Trillanes Discovers Alien Base on the Moon” or “Exclusive Interview: Bigfoot Confesses to Philippine Sightings.” 

In this brave new world of media mastery, perhaps we should all subscribe to “The Trillanes Times” for our daily dose of otherworldly revelations.

by Maria Bratikova

You watch a 10-minute footage of a man
cooking – from preparation to consumption –
and 99% of the 7k comments asks what
the title of the soundtrack is.

I just diligently studied a 22-minute grain-
by-grain cooking of Uzbek Plov and the
main comment asked: does it have to
be rice? Er. . . hello! I‘m hungry. Hear?

Did BBM inhale at the Coldplay concert?
Netanyahu is running amok, for christssakes!
Damon Imani made such a w/effing meme,
I almost peed myself.

Which reminds me of Hausmeister Krause‘s
daughter who likes Pizza al Funghi, but
no Funghi, please. Que barbaridad.

I‘m your friend, I’m not your friend. Just
follow me now – makes for a better optics.
So, listen to me.

Any way. . . chicken biryani would probably
be fitter if I use lamb chops.

. . . or locusts!