MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) – Senator Bato dela Rosa has proposed allocating confidential funds to the Department of Foreign Affairs (DFA).

“We need to support our diplomats with secret squirrel money,” he declared, as though he’d just uncovered a global conspiracy.

However, DFA Secretary Enrique Manallo swiftly responded, stating, “We appreciate Senator Bato’s creative thinking, but we’re not actually seeking any hush-hush funds. Our diplomats are too busy with real-world diplomacy to engage in espionage. We promise, we won’t be sneaking around in trench coats.”

It appears Senator Bato may need a refresher on the DFA’s priorities, beyond his vivid James Bond fantasies.

(AC’s senior geopolitical correspondent Brian Neyra contributed to this report)

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles, Washington Bureau) – Former U.S. President Donald Trump has been found guilty of exaggerating his wealth! Will he receive a refund of taxes he paid — assuming, of course, that he did pay.

Thousands of miles away, the Philippines continues its rigorous scrutiny of politicians  through their Statements of Assets, Liabilities, and Net Worth (SALNs). Anything omitted is begging for suspicion and charges of “unexplained wealth.”

Trump, renowned for his “art of the deal,” now faces allegations that his boasting about his wealth exceeds the bounds of truth. While Trump’s penchant for hyperbole may not surprise many, the Philippines’ meticulous examination of politicians’ financial records makes his exaggerations pale in comparison. 

As Filipino politicians sweat over their SALNs, it seems Trump’s “greatest wealth” might just be his ability to bend reality.