NAGA CITY, Camarines Sur (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) – Former New York City Mayor and now Donald Trump attorney Rudy Giuliani came under fire this week for his Tweet asserting that witches should not be offended that the Robert Mueller investigation is being described as a “Witch Hunt.” 

Witches have feelings and so does Philippine Vice President Leni Robredo who hails from Camarines Sur.

A few years ago, local media reported that aswangs have made their way into Robredo’s home province.

Philippine folklore has it that The Aswang  is a flesh-eating, shapeshifting monster. During the day, Aswangs appear as regular townspeople, though they may be observed by others to have reclusive habits or magical abilities. At night, Aswangs shift into eerie predatory forms and go hunting for human prey, preferring to feast on children and pregnant women above all else.

Robredo found Giuliani’s tweet about witches a perfect opportunity to deny that there are aswangs in Camarines Sur.  She also denied that these evil creatures voted in the 2016 elections which all but assured a Robredo victory in her home province.

The Adobo Chronicles tried to reach out to some aswangs for comment but we couldn’t cope up with their nocturnal schedule.

MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chonicles, Manila Bureau) – She had previously vowed to lead the Opposition against  Rodrigo Duterte, but today, Vice President Leni Robredo announced she was breaking away from the Liberal Party and joining the President’s PDP-Laban.

Robredo’s announcement all but crushed what’s left of the anti-Duterte forces.

Speaking with The Adobo Chronicles, Robredo said she can no longer stand against the President whose satisfaction and approval ratings have consistently been sky high and have even recently improved, according to the latest SWS survey.

“It’s time to focus on what’s good for the  people,” Robredo said, adding that despite his flaws, Duterte has shown his sincere commitment to improving the lives of Fiipinos.

“I can no longer, in conscience, continue to oppose Duterte.  On the contrary, I would like to join him in taking our country to higher levels and hopefully to become a first-world country,” Robredo added.

As for the Opposition Coalition’s chances for the the 2019 elections, Robredo said it’s anywhere between slim to none. “I am throwing my 100% support for the national and local candidates running under Duterte’s PDP-Laban,” she said.

Opposition Senatorial candidates, including Robredo’s runningmate in the 2016 elections, Mar Roxas, are still in shock and awe about Robredo’s announcement.

MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) –  There is no dearth of people making their New Year’s resolutions.  The rich and famous are no exception.

The Adobo Chronicles reached out to the Philippines’ top politicians and celebrities and asked them  what they hope to achieve in 2019, the Year of the Pig:

President Rodrigo Roa Duterte: To reduce his cussing in public to only once a month.

Leni Robredo: Instead of a salute, promise to put her right hand over her chest whenever she appears in a public ceremony at the Luneta.

Vice Ganda: To explore a 2022 Vice Presidential candidacy. After all, she already has the name recall and the resibo at the takilya (receipts at the box office) to back it up.

Senator Antonio Trillanes: Reclusion Perpetua in the dog house.

Senator Franklin Drilon: To break away from the pig pen.  It’s his year to shine and keep wide awake.

Maria Ressa: To plead guilty to tax evasion charges and bravely face incarceration.  That would give her more reason to cry “persecution.”

Raissa Robles:  To finish her new book, “Never to Never Again.”

Jover Laurio: To rename her blog, “Magandang Pinay Ako.”

Bong Revilla: To produce a new movie for the next Metro Manila Film Festival.  The title: “Free at last, Free at last. Thank God Almighty I’m Free at last!” (Based on the life of Martin Luther King)

Mar Roxas: To have a selfie carrying a sack of privately-imported rice. This would boost his Senatorial bid.

Senator Grace Poe: To purchase a new hearing aid.  In aid of legislation.

Senator Bam Aquino: To start debiting all his credit claims about his accomplishments.

Catholic Bishops Conference of the Philippines (CBCP): To require a mandatory entrance fee at all churches nationwide on Sundays and Holy Days of Obligation.

Secretary Martin Andanar: To finally come out of his man cave.

Leila de Lima: To change her banana preference from saging na saba to señorita.

Senator Kiko Pangilinan: To produce and star in a new movie with wife Sharon Cuneta. This would boost his sagging eye bags. And popularity.

The Adobo Chronicles: We don’t believe in New Year’s resolutions.  We’ll just keep on doing what we’re doing.  This will keep Rappler and Maria Ressa busy.