MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) – There is no dearth of people making their New Year’s resolutions. The rich and famous are no exception.
The Adobo Chronicles reached out to the Philippines’ top politicians and celebrities and asked them what they hope to achieve in 2019, the Year of the Pig:
President Rodrigo Roa Duterte: To reduce his cussing in public to only once a month.
Leni Robredo: Instead of a salute, promise to put her right hand over her chest whenever she appears in a public ceremony at the Luneta.
Vice Ganda: To explore a 2022 Vice Presidential candidacy. After all, she already has the name recall and the resibo at the takilya (receipts at the box office) to back it up.
Senator Antonio Trillanes: Reclusion Perpetua in the dog house.
Senator Franklin Drilon: To break away from the pig pen. It’s his year to shine and keep wide awake.
Maria Ressa: To plead guilty to tax evasion charges and bravely face incarceration. That would give her more reason to cry “persecution.”
Raissa Robles: To finish her new book, “Never to Never Again.”
Jover Laurio: To rename her blog, “Magandang Pinay Ako.”
Bong Revilla: To produce a new movie for the next Metro Manila Film Festival. The title: “Free at last, Free at last. Thank God Almighty I’m Free at last!” (Based on the life of Martin Luther King)
Mar Roxas: To have a selfie carrying a sack of privately-imported rice. This would boost his Senatorial bid.
Senator Grace Poe: To purchase a new hearing aid. In aid of legislation.
Senator Bam Aquino: To start debiting all his credit claims about his accomplishments.
Catholic Bishops Conference of the Philippines (CBCP): To require a mandatory entrance fee at all churches nationwide on Sundays and Holy Days of Obligation.
Secretary Martin Andanar: To finally come out of his man cave.
Leila de Lima: To change her banana preference from saging na saba to señorita.
Senator Kiko Pangilinan: To produce and star in a new movie with wife Sharon Cuneta. This would boost his sagging eye bags. And popularity.
The Adobo Chronicles: We don’t believe in New Year’s resolutions. We’ll just keep on doing what we’re doing. This will keep Rappler and Maria Ressa busy.