In a move that shocked exactly no one with a working faucet, President Ferdinand Marcos Jr. has bravely ordered an investigation into PrimeWater, the Villar family’s private water utility firm—also known as “PrayWater” in drought-stricken barangays. Citizens nationwide have been complaining of dry taps, muddy water, and service slower than a Senate hearing.

Meanwhile, in a plot twist so rich it could irrigate the desert, Camille Villar is reportedly handing out water buckets to potential voters ahead of her senatorial bid. Because nothing says “leadership” like solving a crisis your family profits from with a plastic pail and a campaign jingle. Investigating PrimeWater while accepting buckets from the Villars is like arresting your arsonist cousin after he donates fire extinguishers to the barangay. The irony is so thick, it might actually clog the pipes—assuming any water was flowing through them in the first place.