In a shocking twist that nobody saw coming (except, of course, Harry Roque’s newly acquired crystal ball), the former presidential spokesperson has reinvented himself as a fortune teller. 

Roque’s first prediction? An impeachment move against VP Sara Duterte. Truly, this is the kind of insight that can only be gleaned from years of experience in… politics or maybe just a knack for stating the obvious. 

But here’s the real kicker: Roque’s crystal ball apparently didn’t warn him about the personal scandals that have popped up like mushrooms after rain. Whether it’s questions about his sexual orientation, looming libel lawsuits, or unfortunate ties to POGOs, the crystal ball has been suspiciously silent. 

Perhaps it’s too busy predicting the next dolphin swim. After all, what’s more important: dodging scandals or planning your next aquatic adventure? One thing’s for sure: Roque’s future is anything but clear.