by JAKE DON

Ah, the cherished tradition of water-dousing during the feast of St. John the Baptist—an age-old ritual where merriment meets mayhem, and unsuspecting pedestrians meet unexpected drenchings.

In this era of acute water shortages and skyrocketing utility bills, one must ponder: is it time to retire this aquatic assault? While it’s undeniably a splash of cheap fun for the dousers, the drenched might find their wallets drying up faster than their soaked clothes.

Consider the hapless jeepney passenger whose laptop and smartphone met their untimely demise under a deluge of unholy H2O. Important school papers and official documents? Also casualties in this hydro-havoc. Let’s face it, no amount of praying to St. John will bring those waterlogged gadgets back to life.

Perhaps it’s time for the church and local governments to innovate—a mandatory shower day, promoting hygiene without the collateral damage. After all, cleanliness is next to godliness, isn’t it?