Becoming President of the United States is as easy as counting 1-2-3! The Constitution sets the bar so low, it practically encourages anyone to give it a shot. You just need to be 35, born in the U.S., and have lived here for 14 years. That’s it! No need for a spotless record. In fact, a criminal conviction is just another feather in your cap.

Take Donald Trump, for instance—his conviction hasn’t stopped him; it’s practically a fundraising bonanza, netting $53 million in days! Who knew felonies could be so lucrative?

In today’s America, it seems a rap sheet is just another campaign asset. Perhaps next we’ll see presidential debates moderated by bail bondsmen and prison wardens. Truly, the land of opportunity!