In a stunning display of chronological gymnastics, the Philippine Supreme Court has afffirmed the dismissal of ill-gotten wealth cases against the Marcoses, showcasing a commitment to nostalgia that rivals even the most dedicated history buffs. 

Critics wonder if the esteemed Philippine court system is equipped with a judicial time machine, transporting itself back to an era when shoulder pads were the rage and Walkmans were cutting-edge technology.

Reminiscent of a ’90s sitcom rerun, this decision echoes a U.S. court’s similar dismissal in 1990, proving that in the Philippines, justice operates on a time delay. Perhaps the judiciary is still grappling with the concept of the internet, unaware that the rest of the world has moved on to self-driving cars and virtual reality.

Adding to the befuddlement, if there was never any ill-gotten wealth, one can’t help but wonder what happened to the billions diligently recovered by the Cory Aquino-created PCGG. Perhaps they were unwittingly invested in a time-travel venture, ensuring that confusion remains the only constant in this bewildering legal saga.