In a stunning turn of events, the Philippine court has graciously granted bail to former Senator Leila de Lima, adding a new chapter to the country’s political soap opera. The decision has further seasoned the already spicy political divide, with Duterte loyalists doing mental gymnastics to reconcile their unwavering support for the former president and their disdain for de Lima.

On one side of the ring, we have Duterte’s die-hard supporters, who must now balance their loyalty with the court’s decision, akin to juggling flaming swords. On the opposing side, human rights groups are jubilant, celebrating a victory they’ve been clamoring for since the Jurassic era.

But fear not, fellow citizens, for in this circus of contradictions, a beacon of hope emerges. The glacial pace of the Philippine justice system is proven effective, silencing critics who dared mutter the word “injustice” under their breaths. Let’s all join hands and applaud the system’s stellar performance, reminiscent of a turtle in a marathon.

As a delightful cherry on top, de Lima graciously thanked the Marcos administration for championing the independence of the judiciary. Who would have thought that the Philippines could unite over a shared appreciation for irony? Points for PBBM, indeed!