MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) – Psychologists in the Philippines have identified a worrying surge in anxiety cases, and they’ve pinpointed the cause: the ongoing Miss Universe pageant in El Salvador. 

While the world marvels at the dazzling contestants, it seems that Filipinos are experiencing a different kind of dazzle-induced distress. Psychologists believe the culprit is none other than the nation’s representative, Michelle Dee.

Filipinos, renowned for their fervent passion for beauty pageants, are reportedly on the brink of a nationwide nervous breakdown. As Michelle Dee takes the stage, the collective blood pressure of the archipelago seems to rise with her. If Dee fails to bring home the crown or at least make it to the finals on November 18, psychologists are preparing for an avalanche of panic attacks, shattered dreams, and teary-eyed TV audiences.

While the rest of the world may take beauty pageants with a pinch of glitter, in the Philippines, it’s a life-or-death situation. 

Can we now add “Miss Universe Anxiety Disorder” to the list of national health concerns? Stay tuned as the nation collectively hyperventilates for their queen.