(The Adobo Chronicles’ senior geopolitical correspondent, Brian Neyra contributed to this report.)

In a surprising turn of events, Ukraine’s President found himself facing a towering obstacle on the path to NATO membership. Sources reveal that a new height requirement, aptly dubbed the “NATO Upward Aspiration Act,” has been implemented, effectively barring Volodymyr Zelensky from joining the exclusive club of world leaders.

Rumor has it that NATO officials have raised the bar quite literally, demanding a minimum height of 6 feet for entry. This development, dubbed “Height-gate,” has left President Zelensky, who stands at a modest 5 feet 5 inches, feeling a little vertically challenged on the global stage.

In the world of international diplomacy, it seems that size really does matter.