The Commission on Audit (COA) has initiated an investigation into the sudden proliferation of massive billboards featuring Senator Risa Hontiveros across Metro Manila. These billboards boldly declare that the disputed South China Sea territories belong to the Philippines. While the sentiment may be noble, the colossal price tags on these advertisements are raising eyebrows.

One can’t help but wonder if Senator Hontiveros moonlights as a secret billionaire, single-handedly financing her extravagant billboards, which reportedly cost a jaw-dropping P200,000 each month or over P2 million a year. That’s PER billboard.

COA, ever the vigilant watchdog, is keen to find out if Hontiveros has a secret stash of gold doubloons hidden away, or perhaps her own private intelligence fund for extravagantly patriotic ad campaigns.

But that’s not all – COA will also investigate whether these billboards received generous contributions from wealthy politicians or even foreign governments determined to stick it to China.

Perhaps we’ve just uncovered a secret cabal of billboard enthusiasts dedicated to solving international disputes through advertising. Only time will tell.

by Brian Neyra, Senior Geopolitics Correspondent

In a groundbreaking move that has the global community abuzz, the United Nations has announced its grand plan to replace all national IDs with a shiny new global identification system. Say goodbye to your Philippine National ID, folks, because now you’ll be a citizen of the world!

The UN’s audacious proposal promises to unite humanity like never before, under one digital umbrella. No longer will pesky national borders, cultural differences, or even common sense hinder the unstoppable march toward global homogenization. In this brave new world, your identity will be reduced to a mere series of ones and zeros, ensuring you’re just a barcode away from total uniformity.

Imagine a world where the UN knows exactly when you visited the bathroom and what brand of toothpaste you use. This Orwellian utopia will undoubtedly save us from the burden of individuality. Goodbye, diverse cultures and unique national identities; hello, sterile global citizenship!

All hail the UN’s global ID, the ultimate solution to a problem that didn’t exist in the first place.