In a unanimous decision, our esteemed Board of Directors has selected Malcolm Conlan for the prestigious title of Man of the Year. Not for his achievements, mind you, but for his relentless dedication to the art of unsolicited open letters.

From Donald Trump and King Charles, to the Emir of Qatar, and now President Bongbong Marcos, Conlan continues to pen heartfelt pleas—most of which go straight to the digital void. His expertise? A Filipina wife.

His legacy? A flood of online petitions no one asked for — clueless and annoying at best.

Congratulations, Malcolm! Your keyboard must be exhausted.