In the grand theater of Filipino religious devotion, absurdity sometimes takes the front pew. 

Picture this: the severed hand of a saintly statue, solemnly wielded by a priest, blessing devotees with the theatrical flair of a sacred Harry Potter wand. Is it holiness, or just a creative take on hygiene? After all, why risk the priest’s “unclean” mortal hands touching yours when Saint Whoever’s porcelain palm can do the job?

And let’s not forget the holy water. Gone are the days of humble sprinkling. Now, it’s dispensed with the gusto of a backyard water fight. Whether it’s a garden sprinkler or a neon toy water gun, the Faithful are doused with an enthusiasm rivaling a summer fiesta. 

Here’s hoping no one refilled the “holy pesticide” tank. 

If we’re sanctifying everything with such vigor, perhaps next year’s processions will feature drones showering blessings from the heavens. Truly divine efficiency!