by Melchor Vergara

As Juan Ponce Enrile marks his centennial milestone on the peculiar confluence of Valentine’s Day and Ash Wednesday, the world marvels at his seemingly immortal existence. 

While some may attribute his longevity to genetics or dark deals made at the stroke of midnight, the true secret apparently lies in his diet – a daily indulgence in Delimondo corned beef, conveniently owned by the Enrile family. 

One can’t help but wonder if there’s a fountain of youth hidden in each can, or if there’s a mystical incantation whispered over every can. It seems that while mere mortals struggle with kale smoothies and quinoa salads, Enrile thrives on the processed meats of his own making. 

As rumors swirl about the miraculous properties of Delimondo, perhaps other public figures should take note. Could Martin Andanar’s switch from Pure Foods to Delimondo spell the difference between mundane mortality and the ethereal eternity of Enrile? 

Only time, and perhaps a hearty serving of corned beef, will tell.