by Brian Neyra, Adobo Chronicles’ senior geopolitical correspondent

In a stunning display of political indecisiveness, last Tuesday’s Republican primary unveiled a champion unlike any other: None of the Candidates! 

With the absence of Donald Trump’s name on the ballot, the stage was set for a showdown, but instead, voters collectively shrugged, handing victory to the ultimate non-entity. Despite Nikki Haley’s valiant effort, snagging a mere 30% of the vote, the resounding winner was the option that screamed, “None of the above!” 

In a remarkable twist, it turns out that not voting for any of the candidates was the most popular choice, securing a whopping 63% of the vote. This outcome is a masterclass in political irony – a moment where the absence of a candidate speaks louder than any campaign rhetoric. 

With the possibility of any candidate not on the ballot emerging victorious, including the absent Trump, it’s a lesson in democracy where the power of ambiguity reigns supreme. Truly, a victory for the void!