In a surprising move, President Bongbong Marcos has declared February 14 as a national non-working holiday, not for the usual romantic festivities or religious observances, but to honor the centennial birthday of none other than Juan Ponce Enrile. Enrile, the mastermind behind the People Power Revolution that ousted Marcos’ father, Ferdinand E. Marcos, turns 100 on this day.

President Marcos explained that the standard P100,000 grant to Filipino centenarians is insufficient to pay tribute to Enrile’s political prowess. “We want to show the world that the Marcos family harbors no ill feelings towards the former senator. Having enjoyed the sunny beaches of Hawaii, we’ve returned to Malacañang, and the least we can do for Manong Johnny is dedicate a national holiday in his honor,” Marcos declared with a wink, leaving the nation to wonder if this is a genuine gesture or a cleverly veiled attempt at political satire.